Man I am EXHAUSTED. School has been incredibly draining and trying to work on this site at the same time (even though its really fun for me and its a good creative outlet) gets really tiring. Again I keep comparing my work to those around me, especially when it comes to choosing graphics. I built this site with a cute pink theme in mind, and don't get me wrong I love it! But i feel like now I can't use any other colors. I really want to branch out, and I've been working non-stop on a new index page that I hope encapsulates the colorful-ness I want to incorporate into the rest of the site.

I like to say that I do this for myself, which I do mean, but I also like to see other people interact with it and there hasn't been much of that lately which makes me a little disheartened.

Happy New Year! I took a LONG break from updating here during my Winter break. But heres a rant-y journal entry to make up for it!

Recently, I've been having a really difficult time with comparing myself to other people on the internet. Not with looks, or anything like that but with my creativity. It feels like I am less creative than the other people I follow or interact with and its a really shitty feeling to be honest! It's been pretty prominent especially with sewing, which is one of my favorite things ever, but without money and resources to buy the fabrics I really want and school in the way of my free time, I don't get to create a lot of the things I want to. It sucks the most in the CSS/HTML community though. Because fashion yes is VERY unique, but I just make my clothes for myself and I don't have deadlines or people to impress really. But on here, I feel like I want to impress the cool webmasters that follow me, and to show that I am original and creative. I feel like my site is so jumbled or unexciting or unoriginal compared to a lot of the other people on the web and its such a disapointing feeling to spend days on a layout only to find something new the next day that is not only inspirational but INCREDIBLY creative. I don't say this to put down anyone, I am so impressed by the skills of my netneighbors, but its a sad feeling to see someone you admire make something you feel like you could never come up with (if that even makes any sense?) In addition to that, Because I am so inspired by so many people on the web I feel the need to incorporate cool things I see into my own website but even that becomes a roadblock, because I worry people may think I'm stealing code or copying someone when I just take inspiration, or even just for me personally I feel like I'm ripping off someone elses creativity and hard work. ANND THEN when I DO come up with a new idea that I feel is pretty original and cool, it doesn't match the theme of the rest of my website, and it bothers me that it doesn't look the same, so I have to go through every page AGAIN and recode and redesign it. I am my own biggest critic, and it can be a good thing but also is so upsetting with my creativity. This is so long for a first entry on the new journal but here we are!